I'll Make The Most Of It; I'm An Extraordinary Machine

Still loving the new Fiona Apple cd. The above is a quote from the her title track on her new album. And of course it relates to my latest post.

Let me just start by clarifying that you just don't understand.
You had to be there.
He was the kickboxing Champion of Europe or some sort of propaganda like that.
You have NO idea.

Here it is, I am sore. More sore than I've ever been in my entire life. I felt better the day I came out of my mother after sitting still in a tiny womb for 9 months. Today I can not move. I repeat, I cannot move and I expect tomorrow to be worse even after 3 bananas.

Yes, yours truly had this brilliant idea to get guest passes at "Heavens Fitness" which is close by. I was sick of being in a rush to get to our usual Tuesday "get your ass kicked" exercise class and so I stopped by the club and said I was interested in joining. They of course were all over that and offered my friend and I passes to try out a class and the gym. Sooooooo, DeAnne and I decided to go to the "Martial Arts Fitness Plus". I have double checked and there is no disclaimer about the "Plus". I now realize that the "Plus" means "we will kill every muscle in your body, Plus" or the "Plus, you will not be able to move a muscle after this class Plus".

We started out by doing like 6 minutes of skipping to really fast paced ATB (you know, the techno artist). It was probably 6 minutes, I mean my brain stopped functioning after 2 minutes.

You just don't understand.
He tried to kill us.
He tried to kill us with jumping, weights, kicks, punches, lunges, speed skating, the floor, you name it.

It was the most brutal class I've ever been to. Of course it didn't help that I hadn't worked out in more than a couple weeks.

You just don't understand. There came this one point after I had glanced at the clock for the zillionth time that I thought he was joking about doing this crazy move and even laughed. After waiting for him to show us the next move and realizing that everyone starting doing it for real, I nearly died! Honestly, it was a move that came straight out of an exercise horror movie (that's a genre right?). So I did it and the next one which was like the first one but on your back in reverse torture style.

I mean don't get me wrong, I loved the class. I loved the fear me and my muscles felt when he yelled "GO HOME!!" to people that weren't doing the moves. He's a nice person, I'm sure. By the time the cool down stretching part came I was pretty much blacking out. I literally had to put my head down in order to let it pass. Yes, it was truly an awesome class. My muscles LOVE me right now.

In fact, all day today my muscles screamed "BITCH!!", especially whenever I stood up from my chair. I'm just waiting for them to go on strike like most things around here (my personal dishwasher, maid, Telus and CBC). My fingers are ok though. I suppose that's the good news. My boss seems to think so.

Did I mention my spine hurts? Uh huh.

So my theory is (after this day of hell and my anticipation for tomorrow's "Hell, the sequel") that after all this pain one deserves to be in the best shape possible by the time your muscles recover. Best shape meaning fully athletic, shapely and fat free. Yeah, fat free for sure.

So what's the moral of the story? Well my friends, it is that:

• one should never have "brilliant" ideas when it comes to exercise
• even if you slip up every once in a while, remember that you are an extraordinary machine and you will recover from whatever you or life dishes out to you.